Please tell me life gets better than this?

i live in a small town. Dead dad, sick mom, my friends all abandoned me when my dad died. My boyfriend asked me why I cried when he died. I lost myself and who I was. I did things I never would of. Things that everyone else was doing that seemed okay. When I did them though I was looked at like a bad person even though no one recoginzed that everyone else was doing it around them; they only blamed me. To the point I didnt want to be here any more. And all they said was to pull the trigger. Everyone hates me. The people who dont realize my mistakes are forgivable. I tried so hard not to be hurt and I tired so hard to be a better person but I cant. I dont know where I lost my self and I just want to know theres better people out there?